Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The prophetic powers of Steven Tyler...

OH. MY. GOD. HOW GREAT WAS THAT FINALE???!!! JAMES VS. HALEY - the ultimate American Idol battle! I was on the edge of my seat the entire show! My fingers could NOT stop dialing afterwards!....

oh shit...wait...that was the finale I've been dreaming about all season...damn!!!

Scotty vs. Lauren. 17-year old country boy with the old soul vs. 16-year old pageant queen. Wake me up when it's over...ok, it wasn't that bad,  but this has to go down as one of the least-exciting finales in history. Am I right?

So now, I am going to try to keep this short and sweet. Or short and bitter.

Last night, we saw the producers of American Idol (shame on you, Nigel Lythgoe) try to turn American Idol into a scripted reality show.

All season, we've watched Lauren battle her nerves, search for confidence, cry for her mommy, and wear a series of 1980's pagent outfits that only a thrift shop could love. But last night: parading a doctor in scrubs onto the stage, telling us Lauren would STILL be able to sing, even with the threat of shots to save her strained vocal was the last straw. Was this a desperate attempt by the producers to drum up sympathy for Lauren? YES. Are the producers dying for a girl to win this year? YES. Did we all watch this show and think, good god, this is so one-sided, I could make myself vomit? YES.

Steven Tyler prophesied during audition rounds that they had found the winner in Lauren Alaina. Against my own wishes, better judgment, and multiple phone calls from both land and cell phone lines for Scotty, I think Lauren will wear the crown tonight.

How did this happen?

Check Yes or No?
SCOTTY - opening with "Gone" - I can understand your choice, you wanted to be upbeat, you wanted to kick some country ass. The problem is, George Strait picked a complete dud for you in "Check Yes or No" immediately after this performance. So any momentum you wiped out by this melody-less, boring song.  How about "Cross My Heart" - something sweet, with a memorable melody? And to top it off, the producers (and Jimmy) stuck you with "I Love You This Big" - which would probably be a hit on Sesame Street, with ELMO on lead vocals. To your credit, Scotty, you made the most of a lame song. But you weren't given a fair shot tonight.

The Chosen One?
LAUREN - sigh. I don't even feel like writing this. I loved you at the beginning of the season because you were sassy and confident during auditions. And we never saw that girl again! Every week, I rooted for you...until I stopped rooting for you. And here we are, you are about to win American Idol. Your performance of "Flat on the Floor" left me lifeless and bored on the floor...very similar to the first time you sang this song. "Maybe it was Memphis" is a great song - if you can belt it like Carrie Underwood (who chose the song for you). But again, you held back (maybe those strained vocal cords? Puh-leese). But I'll admit, your last song had me thinking that if my Mom wasn't so blinded by love for Scotty, she probably would have LOVED that performance. "Like My Mother Does"...? Are we a nation of suckers? YES. It was a star-making performance for a young girl with lots of potential. The producers did you right by choosing it for you. Although singing to your mama in the audience was a bit much for me. Either way, I give you credit, that last song was made for you.

I think Lauren will win. I'm really hoping a miracle will happen and Scotty will still come out on top, but I'm not betting on it. Overall, this was a somewhat deflated end to the season. I think Scotty is a country superstar already. I know the entire state of North Carolina is holding its breath for the results tonight. But the victory will likely go to Lauren. Our sweet Georgia Peach who has lots of growing to do.

What did YOU hear last night?!

1 comment:

  1. Well, all I can say is this...

    1.) You're a great blogger, Gillian.

    2.) America must have overwhelmingly voted for Scotty because that is the ONLY way the producers would have given him the trophy after all but handing the damn thing to Lauren in Tuesday night's farce.

    So, bravo to Scotty! Haley, James, Casey...waiting for your albums to drop.

    Go get some experience and some seasoning, Lauren. And a decent prom dress.

    York out...