Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Top 8...tell Jimmy Iovine where to stick it!

"Songs from the Movies"...hmm...we got songs from those timeless classics like Risky Business...Hannah Montana: The Movie...Boomerang...(although I have to admit, I liked Boomerang quite a bit!)

And although I wasn't blown away by the song choices, I was blown away by the sense of self our young Idols possess at this early stage of their careers. At least 3 of our contestants told Jimmy Iovine and his 20+ years of experience, his gazillion hit records with multiple Grammy-winning SHOVE IT. That takes some serious...cahones. (And there were 1 or 2 who did change their songs, per Jimmy's advice). Jimmy and Will.i.Am seem to be having one helluva time with these kids, don't they? But on to the reviews...

Viva Las Vegas
PAUL -  if you had taken Will.i.Am's advice and charged onto the stage in your underwear, it couldn't have made the performance any worse. At least we could have had a laugh. This performance was pure the worst way possible. Cheesy outfit? CHECK. Frantic, mediocre vocals? CHECK. Terrible dance moves? CHECK. I'm always afraid you're just going to topple over at some point. Sorry, Paul. I can't be on your side anymore. There are too many left who are better than you. You have got to go.

Better than Miley, and without the bong water
LAUREN - I'm not going to hate on you for singing a Miley Cyrus song. As Jimmy said, you sing it better than she does. You looked beautiful, sounded great. But I think you better kick it up next week, or you run the risk of fading into the background. But I loved you and your performance of "The Climb."

Corn meal...corn syrup...corn flakes...
JACOB - hands down, my favorite moment of the season so far was when Jimmy gave you THE SMACKDOWN: "Don't preach to 24 million people when you haven't sold a record yet. Just sing." Thank you, Jimmy! Praise the Lord! Get some humility into this boy! So welcome to the newly humbled, borderline-depressed Jacob. I thought your performance of "Bridge Over Troubled Water" was  great - how do you hit those notes, girlfriend? But I said a few weeks ago, you just aren't for me. So while I remain impressed and awed by your talent, I'm thinking you are not going to win. Sorry.

Backstreet's back, alright!
STEFANO - if it were 1992 and boy bands were still the rage, you'd be GOLDEN. But alas, those days have passed, and your performances every week don't make us yearn for the old days. "End of the Road" from Boyz II Men was so you, I almost liked it. And though I'm wishing this were the End of the Road for you, I fear we'll be seeing you for at least another week or two. You weren't terrible this week, you did your thing, dog, but it just isn't for me. And hasn't been for awhile.

Julia Roberts wants her boots back
HAILEY - let's start with the good news: I LOVED your dress. But I'm pretty sure Julia Roberts circa Pretty Woman wants her purple thigh-high boots back. Either way, this performance of "Call Me" was just...silly. If you had changed it up a little bit, slowed it down, done anything except executed a featherweight version of Debbie Harry, maybe it would have worked. But no. I'm afraid you and your thigh-highs are in terrible danger tonight!


SCOTTY - are you trying to tell me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you? You're perfect, ready to go, ready to sell millions of records? The judges can't find a single. thing. to. criticize. Hmm. I don't mind that you stood up to Jimmy and chose "Cross My Heart" - we could see that you really felt that song, it means a whole lot to your sweet country heart. And damn it...I can't find anything wrong with you, either. You're going to breeze through this week again.

CASEY - if Simon were still around, he would have called your performance of "Nature Boy" the dreaded I-word...INDULGENT. Sorry, Casey, but of all the songs, this is the one you thought would win the night for you? Please remember that it's teenage, hormone-fueled girls who are out there voting, and I'm pretty sure that voting bloc isn't into obscure songs like this. Does anyone remember when John Leguizamo sang this song so eerily and beautifully in Baz Luhrmann's MOULIN ROUGE with Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman? That time, I liked it. This time, not so much. Casey, you were just trying too hard. And it may send you home.

Ok, ok, we'll give Metal a chance!
JAMES - it's your world, and we're just living in it. I felt like I was at your own rock show, complete with long-haired, shaggy, kick-ass guitarist at your side....which gives you quite a bit of credibility, by the way. This wasn't my favorite song, but you owned it, as usual. I've compared you to Adam Lambert a few times in the past, but you really stepped out of anyone else's shadow last night and became a full-fledged Idol original. Can anyone stop you from taking this whole thing? I'm not so sure!

Again, a great show!

My BOTTOM THREE: Hailey, Paul, and Casey
Who's going home: Casey

What did YOU hear last night?!


  1. A wonderful and accurate assessment again, Gillie Donut! Except...

    I don't understand why you like Lauren so. She's so average and colorless to me. There's nothing that makes her special really. And she picked a Miley Cyrus movie, out of all the movies she could have chosen a song from? Yeesh.Send the teenager home.

    But the rest of your take is so right on. I fear it may be Haley's time to go since she didn't do very well last night. She's got a good jazzy voice but sometimes holds back. Like last night. Balls to the wall, Haley! Make J-Lo grimace and groove when you sing like she did when you sang about Benny and those jets. (Oh, and BTW her name is spelled HALEY not HAILEY.)

    But for my money, the one going home really should be Stefano. If he gets the road company version of JERSEY BOYS he will have reached the highest high his career will achieve. Both he and Lauren are the two that make IDOL seem like expensive karaoke to me. Ugh.

  2. Jeff -

    I know, I know, why do I love Lauren? Yes, it's cringe-worthy that she chose a Miley Cyrus song. And she's just a teenager. And objectively, I know that she is not shining like some of the other contestants. Her last two performances have been safe and bland. SHe could go so much further with her voice, and she just...doesn't. And then there's her Mom...who looks like she could be younger than Lauren...Lauren almost has that child-beauty-pageant vibe going on, she's so made up (and so is her mom).

    BUT...I still love her. I agree with what J-Lo said, she has that "cry" in her voice, that twangy, bittersweet country THANG that just breaks your heart - if you listen to enough country music and like that kind of thing. And I do. I'm a SUCKER. But you can keep trying to convince me not to like her, I enjoy the conversation!

    And Stefano - god, JERSEY BOYS would be the perfect vehicle to shoot him to stardom! HA! Seriously, that's perfect. So true.

    I'm glad Haley got to stay another week - (the rumor is that she and Casey are an ITEM?!) They certainly had great chemistry during that little number they did last night - wow, Haley KILLED it!!!

    As for Paul, he's the good-time guy of the show, but I'm sure we all agree, his number was up, whether it came before or after Jersey Boy.

    LOVE IT!!!!

  3. Love you and all your commentary. Thanks for helping me understand your Lauren fandom. I do think they picked some good contestants this year. I could see Casey, Scottie or James winning right now. But things do change week to week. If Haley keeps in the jazz vein that really challenges her artistry and vocals, she could keep rising.

    No matter, your blog is terrific, Gillian. So well thought out, witty and beautifully laid out as well. Nice work. And thanks for entertaining me each week!

    Oh, and there's a lot of chemistry between Casey and Haley so maybe those rumors are true! Their jazz duet last night was exceptional.